Tagged: bible stories

Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don’t know where it’s been! (Judges 14:5-8) 9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons! 8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper! 7. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! I told you never to play with fire! 6. Cain! Get off your brother! You’re going to kill him some day! 5. Noah! No, you can’t keep them! I told you, don’t bring home any more strays! 4. Gideon! Have you been...

In a never-ending effort to attract the unchurched, some churches have considered translating their unfamiliar terminology into familiar football phrases. BLITZ-The strategic play that takes place two seconds after closing prayer as everyone rushes for their favorite restaurant. BLOCKING-Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church door and keeping everyone else from exiting. COACH-The children’s Christmas program director. ASSISTANT COACH-Every mother who has a kid in the children’s Christmas program. COMMERCIAL-Announcements. DRAFT CHOICE-The decision to sit close to an air conditioning vent. DRAW PLAY-What many children (and not a few adults) do with their bulletins during the service. END ZONE-The...

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder… She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: “Stop! Acts 2:38!” (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady...