Funny Church Football Phrases :)
In a never-ending effort to attract the unchurched, some churches have considered translating their unfamiliar terminology into familiar football phrases.
BLITZ-The strategic play that takes place two seconds after closing prayer as everyone rushes for their favorite restaurant.
BLOCKING-Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church door and keeping everyone else from exiting.
COACH-The children’s Christmas program director.
ASSISTANT COACH-Every mother who has a kid in the children’s Christmas program.
COMMERCIAL-Announcements.
DRAFT CHOICE-The decision to sit close to an air conditioning vent.
DRAW PLAY-What many children (and not a few adults) do with their bulletins during the service.
END ZONE-The pews.
EXTRA POINT-What you receive when you tell the preacher his sermon was too short.
FIRST QUARTER-What most people put into the Sunday school offering so it looks like they are giving.
FOURTH QUARTER-The amount that makes up the dollar most people put into the Sunday school offering when under peer pressure to give more.
HAIL MARY-Desperate move made by ushers in a last-ditch attempt to get people to put something in the plate.
HALFTIME-The period between Sunday school and worship when many choose to leave.
HOLDING-Passing on the offering place without putting in a cent.
ILLEGAL CONTACT-What gets some church leaders into trouble and out of the ministry.
ILLEGAL MOTION-Leaving before the benediction.
INTERFERENCE-Talking during the organ prelude.
OFFSIDES-When an orchestra member accidentally walks into the choir room.
PASS INTERFERENCE-A parent moving between two teens in the pew to halt the flow of notes back and forth during the sermon.
QUARTERBACK SNEAK-How the pastor gets from the pulpit to the rear door during the benediction.
RAIN DELAY-Baptism
RED DOG-Common strategy performed each Sunday by those who own their own private pew.
SUDDEN DEATH-The penalty to the pastor who preaches more than twenty minutes.
TACKLE-What takes place to the only eligible bachelor at the thirty five-and-over singles enrichment retreat.
TIMEOUT-Refreshment time in the Fellowship Hall.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING-The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT-Usually takes place at a committee meeting to decide on the color of carpet or some other thing.
BENCHWARMER – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or do anything but sit.
BACKFIELD-IN-MOTION – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.
STAYING IN THE POCKET – What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.
INSTANT REPLAY – The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.
TRAP – You’re called on to pray and are asleep.
END RUN – Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
FLEX DEFENSE – The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
HALFBACK OPTION – The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
